i will walk unafraid

people need to try and refrain from being such dills.
mind their own business.
tend to their own problems.
but that is obvious, isn't it?
apparently not to some.
some people carry a grudge for months or even years.
the only person they are really harming is their own self/selves.


moving on....

my journal/blog is a place for me to share my thoughts with interested parties.

every psychologist with whom i have spoken says that i am on the right track, highly intelligent and insightful considering my 'condition' and that i have a huge amount of potential for a stable and productive life.




my youngest sister has to write a sonnet today. my favorite is sonnet 44

i had a dream that my 'baby daddy' owed our neighbor across the street ONE THOUSAND dollars! and also that they gave us a fishtank and i didn't want two fishtanks but they said we could choose one goldfish so i picked the larger one but i didn't want to overtax the ecosystem in our aquarium and theirs didn't have any snails or bottom feeders. i also wanted to borrow a siphon from him, if he had one.


so, this dream is supposed to directly reflect my current life situation, not symbolically but literally. sigh. i still am not quite sure of the significance.

i have an appointment today for drug and alcohol evaluation.
i really don't think that my problem is out of control.
it is a situational problem.
but it can't hurt to check, right?
trying to face up to my demons.





currently in my life i am working on breaking habits, deconditioning, and correcting perceptual errors.

see how thunderous are my thighs?


i do have a 'large ass' but look at that figure!



here is a letter i got from a reader:

I really completely and totally dig you. You're so you I'm jealous. (Actually I'm mostly jealous of your boyfriend for having gotten you as opposed to me having gotten you, but the point is moot, me being married and uh, etc.) I may be way out in left field but you seem to have lost weight.

You're still pretty, no matter which angle you take the picture from. You can't take enough pictures for my taste. I don't read you regularly at all because I'm trying to wean myself off the net (which is why I scratched out my own blog - repeatedly). It's hard (the weaning part, not the scratching out part). I'm kind of hooked. I'd gladly stalk you online and that but I can't do that and stay offline at the same time.

At one point you wrote you didn't like yourself, or being online, or blogging, etc. I understand. I got that sometimes.

I'm sorry about your hand, or finger, or whatever justified wearing the bandage.

I gotta get back to work over here. I liked the braless pix of you in the vaguely transparent blouse. Like I said, I rather like the pix of you. It sucks being offline. I'm doing alright really. Except I'm online when I write you obviously. Back offline I go. :( Be well. I hope you're (at least vaguely) happy again. Life is very gr... well it sucks actually, but it's not that hard to forget how much it sucks and focus on being happy inside. I've been doing it for 38 years. I'm still here.

You rock.

Steph