i will walk unafraid

people need to try and refrain from being such dills.
mind their own business.
tend to their own problems.
but that is obvious, isn't it?
apparently not to some.
some people carry a grudge for months or even years.
the only person they are really harming is their own self/selves.


moving on....

my journal/blog is a place for me to share my thoughts with interested parties.

every psychologist with whom i have spoken says that i am on the right track, highly intelligent and insightful considering my 'condition' and that i have a huge amount of potential for a stable and productive life.




my youngest sister has to write a sonnet today. my favorite is sonnet 44

i had a dream that my 'baby daddy' owed our neighbor across the street ONE THOUSAND dollars! and also that they gave us a fishtank and i didn't want two fishtanks but they said we could choose one goldfish so i picked the larger one but i didn't want to overtax the ecosystem in our aquarium and theirs didn't have any snails or bottom feeders. i also wanted to borrow a siphon from him, if he had one.


so, this dream is supposed to directly reflect my current life situation, not symbolically but literally. sigh. i still am not quite sure of the significance.

i have an appointment today for drug and alcohol evaluation.
i really don't think that my problem is out of control.
it is a situational problem.
but it can't hurt to check, right?
trying to face up to my demons.





currently in my life i am working on breaking habits, deconditioning, and correcting perceptual errors.

see how thunderous are my thighs?


i do have a 'large ass' but look at that figure!



here is a letter i got from a reader:

I really completely and totally dig you. You're so you I'm jealous. (Actually I'm mostly jealous of your boyfriend for having gotten you as opposed to me having gotten you, but the point is moot, me being married and uh, etc.) I may be way out in left field but you seem to have lost weight.

You're still pretty, no matter which angle you take the picture from. You can't take enough pictures for my taste. I don't read you regularly at all because I'm trying to wean myself off the net (which is why I scratched out my own blog - repeatedly). It's hard (the weaning part, not the scratching out part). I'm kind of hooked. I'd gladly stalk you online and that but I can't do that and stay offline at the same time.

At one point you wrote you didn't like yourself, or being online, or blogging, etc. I understand. I got that sometimes.

I'm sorry about your hand, or finger, or whatever justified wearing the bandage.

I gotta get back to work over here. I liked the braless pix of you in the vaguely transparent blouse. Like I said, I rather like the pix of you. It sucks being offline. I'm doing alright really. Except I'm online when I write you obviously. Back offline I go. :( Be well. I hope you're (at least vaguely) happy again. Life is very gr... well it sucks actually, but it's not that hard to forget how much it sucks and focus on being happy inside. I've been doing it for 38 years. I'm still here.

You rock.

Steph

Om-sick

if you take a geranium flower and an iris and rub them on your face it will look like somebody beat you up. check it out. could come in handy some day.

the other day my daughter was sitting on one of those merry-go-rounds they have at grocery stores and i was looking for fifty cents to put in the slot when this guy asked if she was able to hold on and i said it looks like she's doing a good job so then he put two quarters in the machine and she fell right off the horse as soon as it started going. at least she fell on the inside and not on the ground! jeesh. i didn't realize what he meant.

yesterday i got a watch/ring. it looks like major bling. it's pretty cool, tho. fun.

calling out in the transit

it's been a rough week.
but today was cool.
i went to a craft fair/apple festival/car show with my mom and my grandma.
i took TONS of pics.
i've been dealing with them but i'm not gonna post them all right now in this post.
i'm going to go lie down and read and maybe take a nap.

i'm not mad anymore at my blog so.... here it is back up again.
have fun.

i sit at my table and wage war on myself

on the train yesterday, a white haired old lady behind me smelled like aquanet, major. ew.

stopped for 15 mins in Truckee where i picked up a free pack of stuff in the visitors center incl. a bunch of gum, shampoo, razor, splenda lemon drink pacs, extra c fizzle packs, too. i thought i was the only eagle-eyed cheapskate, but i noticed the lady next to me on teh bus had one, too. scrounge!


rem world leader pretend




i cannot believe they don't have pastrami at Quiznos! and a SMALL CHEESE SANDWICH at a glorified subway costs FIVE dollars. i had to add my own salami, which i happened to have brought along for the trip.

this isn't country at all

here is a flag pillow that i made.
i wish it were better.
especially the stars,
:-(
it took me all day...
it's okay.
signing my name on the back is COPYING raymi. it is.


i need to be getting my shit together!
going to visit my mom for a while.
i guess that will be good.


R.E.M Drive



just because i think michael stipe has the sexiest lips ever and that i would like to kiss him doesn't mean anything cuz it is never gonna happen and i know that.
just like how some guys are in love with molly ringwald's lips and stuff. it's not a big deal! even tho i get jealous about it. dumb.
i wish i had her lips on MY FACE, too. as in... they would be my lips.

i think i am

light sleep last night. i did take a nap yesterday, tho.
so, up at 4:30 this mornin'
oh well.
should do yoga.
maybe i'll just turn it on and feel guilted into doing it.
i NEED to build a fire. :-(

the other day this woman was mad at me and the only thing she did to me
was she grabbed my boob two different times.
those were the only lunges she made at me.
maybe she figured that would be the most sensitive spot?
or maybe she just wanted to feel my boob.


that shirt has a ton of interesting and cool symbols
like lips, stars, keyholes, arrows, and the number 36... plus more.
which make people think
i am a witch, i bet.
i think people often think i am a witch.

8,000 pics involving my new H&M shirt & my hair

oh and my arm.
and sunglasses.
don't worry, there are more where these came from.

dunderjeet

AC/DC Dirty Deeds

ow

my right hand hurts when i use the mouse.
we're borrowing someone's steam vac and i've become obsessed with cleaning the carpet. it is fun to be able to do it whenever you want. it is a constant job.
it's fun to look at the dirty water when you are done. satisfying.
btw, that is not our carpet in that second pic. our carpet is 1 yr old.

anyway, those are the beads on my wrist up there.

ugh, i've had heartburn for like 12 hours or so and i feel like i did not sleep at all last night and then the baby woke up at 4AM so now i'm up.